I'm sorry if you happen to be a Carpenter's fan and you're mortified that I stole that line and killed it so that I could use it as title.
It's amazing how people seem to think that it's okay to piss people off to a degree where they stop talking to each other for an extended period of time, only to have that person re-appear many months later like a jack-in-the-box acting like nothing ever happened.
H and I had a major fall-out last July. It had something to do with him being madly in love with me and me not feeling the same way and me sorting out issues with D, which eventually led to D and I splitting up and then me dating someone new afterwards.
Now what really got my goat was that H and I were never dating at any given point. We'd known each other for a long time and many, many, many years ago, we did have a thing that lasted for a while. It was a long-distance issue and it eventually ran its course with both us ending up with different people. Throughout all of the lapsed time, H and I remained in contact, discussed each other's respective partners, and basically were good friends. Now I don't know what got into that man but towards the end of my relationship with D, he decided to come out to Asia to travel and stopped over in SG to catch up with me. I had drawn my lines in the sand and made it very clear that there should not be anything between us. Let's face it, I had grown up a lot. I knew how different I was from what I used to be 6 odd years ago and over the years I had also come to the conclusion that H was too much of a drama queen, too much of a needy character and too much of a self-centered muppet for me to even consider rekindling anything with.
Unfortunately all my well-laid plans were pointless because he behaved like a lovesick puppy dog throughout his time here. Part of me was happy to see a friend because I was going through shit trying to end a 4-year relationship without breaking the other person. The other part of me wanted to strangle H for all the cling-on activity he was demanding. Eventually he went home and then read my blog and went completely ballistic without due reason.
He accused me of stringing him along, saying that I played him whilst I was juggling D and Spooner.
Reality check. D and I were splitting up. Spooner did not come into the picture until several weeks later. To be fair, I wasn't juggling anyone. The only juggling that was going on was the me trying to sort the mess in my head without going bananas.
In short, after the first barrage of accusations from H, I got totally ticked off and fired back at him. This exchange went on for a while, and then there was silence and then, *GASP*, he deleted me off Facebook. :P
Now if you think I am one of those people who gives a flying fuck about the number of friends I have on FB, then you got it all wrong. I don't give a shit. I very rarely go in search of people to add and usually don't add people unless I get an invite from them first. I hate imposing myself on people and somehow asking someone to be a friend on Facebook sometimes feels like an imposition. Bite me.
The irony is that H, for all his puffed up anger and rage against my supposed infidelity, merely deleted me and didn't block me. One would have thought that if you were THAT pissed off at someone, you'd never want to have anything to do with them ever again. Like my dear AJ, who after 3 months of silence decides to block me on Facebook. No worries considering I deleted him immediately after we split up. Again, bite me.
So H doesn't block me but chooses to keep some sort of communication channel open. In the last 12 months, he has sent me odd messages, most of which have ended in an argument of some description or another because it usually starts with either an accusation or some weird statement that sets me off like a hand grenade. I had washed my hands off that friendship permanently and was quite happy living my life whichever way I saw fit up until recently, when he decides to send me another message telling me that he will be in Bangkok during a certain period and whether I would be up to flying up there to hang out with him.
Are you fucking kidding me???
The short answer to that question was a no. The long answer to that is that H is bloody insane because apart from the weird Facebook contact (we're not friends by the way, just using the message medium), he sent me a couple of texts over the weekend that left me wanting to refer him to the nearest psychiatrist.
Seriously. Do you really think after 1 year of not talking to you, wiping you out of my consciousness, and basically forgetting that you exist, I'd suddenly want to fly 2.5 hours out of my country and hang out with you over a weekend?! Are you, or are you, bloody crazy?!
Put it this way mister. You weren't the only one who got hurt by all the ballast. I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell everything can go back to being the way it was. It's never going to. I'm not holding a grudge. I'm merely stating that I don't have enough kindness nor patience in me to try and make this all better. I will be polite,and I will be civil but you put me in a position where I had to shut the doors after being massively disappointed with your behaviour. I have every right to be angry and you may think that I'm taking a moral high ground here but I did everything within my power to explain myself above and beyond what was required in the hope that you'd understand. You failed spectacularly on that front. It was all about you, you, and your bloody feelings. Never did you once stop for a minute to ask yourself how I felt about everything. Never did you once stop to ask if I was okay. Never did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, at that point, I needed a friend more than someone who was hell-bent on berating me for wrongs that were not even my fault. Well guess what. I've had enough. In fact, I've had enough for a while now, so I suggest you just shut up and leave me alone.
Because I deserve so much better.
