Another Moment in Another World

Well this one's not going to be one of my epic posts because I am using the hotel's laptop and the entire thing works on some OS that I have never heard of and what is even better is that the keyboard is tailored for the Spanish language so everything is a bit of weird mess.

In any case, I bring greetings from the wonderful city of Barcalona, Spain - Ola! This is my first visit to the country and I am glad to have had the opportunity to have seen the sights that I have done thus far. I consider myself fortunate given the amount of travelling I have done over the course of my life and am still thankful that I've managed to get my arse back to Europe for the second time and trooped all over it as I have done in the past 9 days.

This trip was meant in many ways to be one that allowed me to do some much-needed soul searching. As I've made my way across 4 countries, I've had many moments of quiet, some of discontent, and yet some others that have left me thinking that I really need to stop being such a selfish little shit.

The injection of culture has opened my heart and brain to a lot more in the past few days than I can care to explain. Life hasn't been completely smooth sailing for me in recent years and I have come to realise that those experiences have left me close-minded, cynical in a simplistic sense, and undoubtedly jaded. Seeing different sights, taking in the air of different cities, walking down the streets where everyone speaks a language different from my own has made me realise that I may have become too caught up with my own little issues and lived in my own little bubble far too comfortably in in the past year or so. In short, there is a whole other world out there that is a lot bigger, greater and far more fascinating that all the trivialities that may plague my little 'world' and I should henceforth, learn to stop and smell the bloody roses (coffee more likely), whenever I can.

Of course I have missed home and my loved ones over the course of this trip. There have been times where I have wanted in the most desperate sense of the word to have someone to share a sight/smell/laugh with and turned around to find nothing but empty space or another tourist next to me. Don't get me wrong. I am travelling with a mate from school and though we get along in the basic sense, there are fundamental personality differences between us which make us diametric opposites. Also, after bunking with each other and sharing pretty much every meal with each other, you eventually reach a point where you want to throttle the other person even though they haven't done anything to annoy you. This is cabin fever at its worst.

Hence, there have been moments that have left me thoroughly homesick and others that have left me gaping in awe like a twit. Either way, such is life and this is apparently the life I was meant to live so I shall not whinge so. :)

I have tried as much as possible, with the aid of technology and that awesome thing known as Wi-fi to keep in touch with people back home. There's been a lot of Facebook time on this trip - private messaging and wall posts - to satisfy the curious minds that exist and also to let folks know that I'm okay and have not been kidnapped by pirates and sold into the sex trade off the coast of Algeria or something.

Have also been in touch with AJ quite a fair bit over the trip. No, this AJ is not my boss so stop freaking out please. This is the one that loaned me the iPad for the trip. Alas, I don't know if it's the distance or me just getting a perspective on everything that has put me a little on edge everytime I talk/text/write to him. Frankly I don't think there's an issue. I probably am making a mountain out of a molehill as usual and am probably overthinking everything as well. To be fair to him, he has done everything within his power to make me feel reasonably human. This includes sending me emails, random texts telling me what he's been up to at home and even a few phone calls just to make sure I'm okay whenever my moods have plummeted. I on the other hand have been acting like a royal pain in the arse by being short and bratty with him. I am attributing this idiotic behaviour to the fact that the distance is getting the better of me. I miss him tremendously and the fact that I can hear him and not see him or touch him is pissing me off. There's also the other issue that I really, really want him to see and experience the things that I have done on this trip and him not being around happens to grate a little too much. Of course the sensible thing to do would be to talk/text/write in a less bratty and idiosyncratic manner because he's being a decent person about everything. Alas, that is easier said than done. My emotions seem to get the better of me even when I really don't want them to. Annoying? Hell yes. That's me in a nutshell.

Well I have 4 more days to go and then I head home from Madrid. Tomorrow morning will see an early start as I have to travel to Granada. I really should make the most of the remaining peace and quiet that I have on this trip and stop being a dickhead.

So here's to finding the little missing piece over the next few days through the wonders that Spain has to offer.

I Love To Go A-Wandering

And so I will officially be on holiday from tomorrow evening onwards. I kind of have mixed feelings about this trip. On one hand I am totally psyched that I am going to be gallivanting around Europe with a backpack and a mate from school. This would be the first proper long holiday I've had in a while now. I did do Bali last October with a couple of friends and it was good fun but too brief to really be much of a proper break. This time I am taking two weeks off and will be trooping through Amsterdam, Paris, Chamonix, Rome, Barcelona, Granada and Madrid.

This trip is also a milestone for me because it's the first time I am traveling halfway around the world with someone who isn't my boyfriend. Yeah it's a bit weird for me to deal with this. My mate is male but we went to university together and we're nothing but good friends. The odds of anything ever transpiring between us hovers around the region of ZILCH. Prior to this trip, all big trips were with the last serious ex, D. We traveled a lot when we were together. Cambodia twice, Bali, Bangkok, London, Sydney, Vietnam and Phuket twice too. Exploring the world with D used to be one of my favourite things to do and I'm glad I shared those opportunities with him. I did also go to Langkawi with the Twat known as Spooner late last year. Let's just say that the most exciting part of that trip was my adventure with a spider in the bathroom. Enough said.

There is also the other thing about leaving someone back home whilst I'm off having fun on a different continent. Yeah, there is someone in the picture. I just haven't mentioned him. Part of the reason for this is the fact that I didn't want to jinx the whole bloody thing. Look how excited I was about Spooner and he turned out to be something out of the bowels of hell. Oh and just in case you're wondering, he never returned me my stuff. Bastard. May you lose all the head on your head tomorrow.

So yes, there's someone at home that I don't really have the heart to leave behind at this point in time. True it's only been 5 weeks but he's funny, kind and good company. Best of all he's already met some of my friends and so far no one has told me that they think he's a complete douchebag. Ironically, they seem to like him a lot and one even told me, "He's a keeper." Don't worry, I raised my eyebrows at that quite a fair bit. I had to. Do you know how many beers had been consumed prior to the making of that statement?!

It is still early days yet but he does seem like a decent human. Okay, a little more than decent. The fact that he was away in Macau for a week and he texted everyday just to ask if things were okay with me and to fill me in on what he was up to for the day was very unexpected. And he pulled another rabbit out of his pocket by offering to loan me his iPad whilst I'm away so that I won't be bored out of my skull on the long train rides. What really threw me was that he went online and downloaded maps for the different cities I'll be in on the iPad so I could refer to them even when I'm offline. Unexpected? Defo!

Alas needs must and all that jazz, the trip was already committed to and planned before I met him. I had agreed to this trip as I felt I need to get away from everything for a while and go somewhere where I'd be able to empty my head properly and get a fresh perspective on life in general. Well, it's one hell of an expensive head-emptying perspective for sure! My bank accounts have been bled dry and I haven't even left the country!

But I'm not whinging. I'm looking forward to going away and getting some peace and quiet. Well that shall be an interesting mission assuming I don't throttle my travel buddy because he can be a tight-arsed little prick sometimes for no good reason whatsoever. No, that was not a tongue-in-cheek statement.

So wish me luck as I go a-wandering. I will attempt to blog intermittently whenever possible. If all else fails, I'll just post pretty pics of the sights I see.

:)

Jelly Legs

Why haven't I written?

Well, I've been too busy having glorious amounts of sex.
(Make of that what you will. :) Ha!)

Now, I know for a fact that there are two types of men in bed. Ones that make you go, "Oh dear Lord, what is he doing?!" and then there's the second category that makes you go, "Oh dear Lord, what is he doing?!"

Hands up all of you who think the first reaction is a positive one? Ah. Sorry to disappoint folks but that's not a good sign if a woman is lying on her back, staring straight up at the ceiling wondering what that creature, droid, uhm... person on top of her is trying to accomplish with the monotonous thrusting whilst simultaneously sweating on you and flaring his nose like a racehorse that makes watching the Tour De France on your sofa seem like an extreme sport in comparison.

I've had my fair share of deadbeats in bed. I am starting to wonder if there is a select species of men who think that just sticking themselves inside a woman and pumping themselves to orgasm is the be-all and end-all of sex. In return, I admit to having had to fake a number of orgasms in my lifetime just so that the whole sorry episode will end, THAT much quicker.

For example:

Useless specimen: Have you cum yet babe? (Still thrursting madly.)
Me: Uhh... yeah babe. Mmm... (Christ, are you serious?!)
Useless specimen: Really? You sure? (Add panting to wild thrusting.)
Me: Yeah babe. In fact I'm going to...again...right now. (Cue: Moaning and weird face-pulling and subtle eye-rolling and the mental screaming of, "Hurry the fuck up!")

Now, common sense should dictate that if you have to ASK a woman if she has hit orgasm yet, then 9 out of 10 times, the answer is, "No you moron. I haven't. So you jolly well be doing something about it." Seriously, how can you NOT know when she's had one? Where were you when it was happening? Greece?! So if you really feel compelled to ask, I suggest you better be asking because you're planning to give her one (or three) as opposed to asking out of 'courtesy' so you can take it as indirect permission to let your swimmers loose.

Alas, we all know common sense is a tall order. Oh dear Lord, what is he doing? GAH.

I suppose the next question lurking in most filthy minds is to whether size matters. Well, I am going to go out on a limb here and declare once and for all... IT DOES NOT.

There. I said it. And truth be told, it really doesn't. Sure, if you're well-endowed, we ain't going to complain. The only time we'd freak out is if you pulled out a garden hose from your boxers or if your erection fails to give a box of mints a run for its money. In those two instances, yes size matters. But for very different reasons. Seriously, garden hoses are dangerous. Mints are meant to be kept in your pocket and if you're weapon of mass desolation destruction can't compete with a box of Ricola pearls, then maybe you need psychological help. Plus a little blue pill?

But let's face it. There are guys with gloriously thick, long plonkers and there are those who aren't quite so gloriously thick and long. Hey, it takes all sorts to make the world go round. At the end of the day, he could have an appendage the size of the Empire State Building and still be a complete dud in bed. As I said, if you're built like King Kong, then hurrah! But if you're not, it doesn't mean you need to resort to swatting airplanes in mid-air, thumping your chest is fury and then getting shot repeatedly until you topple 10,000 feet down. (I really need to stop watching that movie.)

Most women I know will collectively agree that it's not what you have but how you use it. And here's a little fact. Most women do not orgasm from penetration at all. *GASP*

There's a simple reason for this. The nerve endings in a woman's genital area are all outside the little magic tunnel. Hence your focus should not just be all about the wham-bam but everything around it. I've had the good fortune to have had a couple of experiences that have driven this theory home (call it heaven), and am a firm believer that you can make a woman want to climb the walls (out of pure ecstasy of course) without bringing a knob anywhere near her. Tried. Tested. Bought the t-shirt.

And the best part is, once a woman gets to that point, she'll want more. She'll beg for it. Her legs will be weak, wobbly and feel like jelly but she'll be begging for you to please, please, pleeease shag her brains out. That would be the part where you, as the manly man should deny her (only for about 10 minutes), and then proceed to quite willingly shag her like a (insert preferred adjective here) to the point where she's lying on her back thinking, "Oh dear Lord, what is he doing?"

Try it over the weekend.
;)