A is for Annoyed

Yesterday was a huge test to my patience.

1. I was annoyed at myself for being sick, wonky and not being able to think and function properly as I was drugged up to my forehead. (If you haven't realized by now, I am one of those people who does not like NOT being in control of her faculties.)

2. I was annoyed that despite being on sick leave I was worrying about work and ended up working from the middle of the afternoon til about 7pm because well, I had no freaking choice.

3. I was annoyed at a certain individual from work who, when approached for direction, gave none whatsoever and instead heaped a load of ridiculous attitude in my face. In my opnion, this one is a overpaid, fuckwitted cretin.

4. I was annoyed with Spooner. After asking me and reminding over the past month about his friend's birthday party which happened yesterday, he sends me a last minute text saying he was not in the mood to go but would bring me along if I were (quote) "gagging to go out".
(Hello, what part of 'I have been sick the whole week' did you miss in the memo? I thought that the whole premise of us attending the party was so we could hang out. What are you? A muppet?)

5. I was annoyed with my Mum and my Grandma. Seriously, sick person needs peace and quiet. Sick person does not need people talking at the top of their voices trying to decide how to invade Poland or Dhaka (whichever you prefer).

Hence, being annoyed on several counts, I didn't eat dinner, shoved my medication down my throat, crawled into bed with my book and waited for the drugs to kick in. But even as I was drifting off into the land of nod, my brain was still going through the annoying events of the day and I eventually fell asleep, feeling (you guessed it!) annoyed.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly better but not quite altogether thus explaining this entry. I am hoping that by itemizing my frustrations, I'd be able to let go of them by let's say, noon today. (Aren't I practical?)

The one good thing about yesterday was that I managed to not blow up at anyone and kill them. Had this happened to me 10 years ago, I would have exploded by the time I had reached no. 3 on the 'Reasons for Annoyance' list. I will not hesitate to tell you that my temper used to be legendary. I suspect my parents almost went crazy because my brother and I both had equally volatile tempers which were usually directed at each other because we're brother and sister. Believe me, it's not always sugar and spice and all things nice when you're teenagers or young adults.

Fortunately, I think both of us mellowed tremendously about 5 years ago, particularly after our dad passed away. Funny how it takes something like that to knock sense into people and force them to change their perspective. In any case, we've both managed to bring our tempers under control now and I think we're a lot smarter with picking our battles. Weird thing is, he and I don't get into disagreements anymore. The exact opposite has happened. Our relationship as siblings has developed to the point where we can talk about whatever is going on in our lives to each other with the knowledge that everything is said in confidence. And yes, it's very nice to be able to sit and talk to my brother without wanting to throttle him every 3 minutes. This is not to say that everything is rosy and perfect. We don't always see eye-to-eye on some things and we're both naturally impatient people so there are occasions when red flags get raised but it's a lot better now than it was before.

Alas, I cannot say the same about the other areas of my life. Oftentimes, when I get ticked off, I just don't say anything. Some people, usually the smarter ones, realize that I am annoyed and they give me a wide berth to cool off and don't push the matter further. Unfortunately, there are more stupid people than smart ones in my life and when faced with my mutinous silence, they just don't get the hint and usually say/do something that makes me want to reach out and smack them across the head or bludgeon them with a bat. (Personally, I prefer bludgeoning. Much more cathartic I tell you!) But being a member of polite *snort* society, I have to rein in my instinct to clobber people and bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying something that might land me in jail for slander.

The other issue is how some morons tend to take my silence as a sign of weakness and then proceed to attempt to walk all over me. I don't know how to help people like this. Doing this is equivalent to playing tag in a landmine. I'm not a doormat. If I were, you'd be welcome to stomp all over me. But if you insist of behaving like an idiot, my only advice is, be prepared to be shredded.

The good news is that I don't lose my head that often. It takes a hell of a lot these days before I completely lose it. Usually I hover between being immensely annoyed and immensely frustrated. This is still pretty far from pure, white rage. But honestly, I sometimes wonder if it's not healthy to put up with all the bullshit that people throw my way just to keep my temper in check.

Now where's my brother? I need a fag...

Going Potty

I've been meaning to blog about this earlier but work has just been insane today. Honestly, it's not the work that bothers me. It's the people that I need to deal with who usually drive me to want to pick up the nearest sharp implement and stab them with it. Anyway... let's get on with it.

I've never been one to do drugs. It boils down to a few simple reasons:
1. I live in Singapore and basically being caught in possession of your own children here could sometimes land your ass in jail.
2. Even if I did get hold of something I wanted to try, I wouldn't quite know the proper 'procedure' so to speak of 'consumption' (Yes, I'm that vanilla).
3. Why do I need drugs when cigarettes and alcohol can be consumed in copious amounts legally?
4. I live in fear that my own mother would throw my ass in jail if she ever caught me with a prohibited substance that didn't come out of my doctor's office.

As a result last weekend's experiment with marijuana/weed/hemp/pot/cannabis/ganja (seriously, how many damn names does that thing have?) was quite interesting to say the least. It was not the first time I had smoked the stuff so I sort of knew what was happening. The whole preparation aspect of it has always amused me. I have seen former potheads, argue with current and in-remand potheads on the correct method of rolling a joint and honestly, I don't think there's a set way of doing it. Think about it, if you had big hands, you'd probably end up rolling a fatter spliff because you'd pick up more tobacco with your fingers. But the relativity of one's hand size in relation to joint-rolling is a conversation for another day.

The first couple of instances that I encountered weed, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Had it not been for those in the know, I would have probably munched on the bloody produce. The virgin attempt to enjoy the psychoactive substance was outside a club with one very drunk female friend. I distinctly remember having one of those nights out where every progressive drink just makes you more and more sober. Sadly, I could not say the same for my girlfriend. In the attempt to help me enjoy my night, she shared her joint with me. And it had absolutely zero effect. I can safely tell you that I felt nothing because I was sober enough to remember everything. What an absolute bummer. It's kind of like meeting a guy you really, really like and then realizing that he is absolute shite in bed. (In case you were wondering, that HAS happened to me too.)

My second attempt was with the ex boyfriend and a couple of other friends. This time there was a physical reaction. Nausea. All I wanted to do was throw up and I remember only taking a few drags. The lingering smell in the apartment kept making my stomach heave and it did not help that my friends and the ex were getting stoned out of their minds, demanding for repeated rounds of Sara Lee chocolate pound cake, which I faithfully fetched for them. I even had to wash the dishes. Absolute buggery.

Hence, when presented with the opportunity to try again last weekend, I didn't quite jump at the chance. I was a bit apprehensive about the side-effects or rather, the expected effects on my body. I had been drinking since about 4 in the afternoon and 4 beers on a hot day with an empty stomach certainly clouds one's judgment. So when the joint came my way, I didn't turn it away. I had a few small drags, handed said spliff to next person and carried on watching the television. Didn't feel much physically so I just sat and kept skulling water because I suddenly felt really, really, thirsty and also, I didn't want to be plastered before dinner.

Second spliff appeared about half hour later and this one was way stronger than the first because every drag felt thick and heavy and tasted (to me), like coffee for some reason. This time, after a few minutes I started feeling the 'expected' effects. My body was slowing down, I felt relaxed, still thirsty as hell for some reason but I felt calmer, less inclined to want to talk (slur), and things seemed brighter. Now, while all of this was happening, one part of my brain was making mental notes. I was conducting an experiment on myself and yet ironically still could keep enough of my mental faculties together.

What I did not expect was how hard the high hit me. Maybe it was because it was the first time my body was experiencing the drug in full capacity so when it hit, it felt absolutely bizarre. My eyes were wide open, lights seemed harsher and my brain was clearly awake but obviously not up to its usual fantastic self because I struggled to keep my psychomotor skills in check. I can quite honestly admit that my body felt liked it weighed a ton and my legs were moving out of pure instinct to get from point A to the dinner location, which for some reason, seemed like it involved a lot of crossing of roads.

Dinner was another episode altogether. I attacked the bread basket. Go ahead, laugh. After I had taken the first bite of bread, it felt like my saliva glands had been resurrected and I instantaneously attacked everything in sight. One particular dinner companion realized that I had a serious bout of the munchies and started laughing insanely. And there was more water. Bread and water. Never have I drunk so much water in one sitting. Even after I've finished a 6km run, I don't pour that much water down my throat. That night however, I was like a dehydrated nomad in a desert. All I wanted was water, And more bread. And ooh, let us have a tagiatelle Ragu pasta dish while we're at it please?

So I attacked the bread, glugged my water, scoffed my pasta down and then poured a cappuccino down my gullet in an attempt to stay awake. At this point, I was still floating and quite high. I also felt immensely tired. I wanted to lie down on the pavement and sleep. And I would have done just that if Spooner didn't pull me out of my chair and make me walk. Back at the apartment, I remember curling up on the sofa watching the Gorillaz's DVD of their performance at Manchester. Did I ever tell you that I think Demon Days is one of the best albums ever made? Well, there you go, I've said it. I don't remember falling asleep although Spooner claims I fell asleep on him but I woke up in bed the next morning (no hangover, result!) and I felt more or less human so I guess that was really the end of my narcotic adventure.

Not very exciting huh? Yeah, I thought so too but it was interesting to say the least. At least now I know why people choose to do it. I'm not saying that smoking pot is something I intend to start doing on a regular basis. It's just that I now have a clearer understanding of some people fall prey to wanting to get high repeatedly. Marijuana is both a stimulant and a depressant at the same time. Technically, this means that it slows one part of your brain down, usually the area that controls your psychomotor skills and then stimulates a different section which explains why lights and sounds seem way brighter and louder when one is under the influence. The drug is also known to be a hallucinogen which explains why some people have diminished levels of concentration and may tell you the same joke again and again and laugh at it repeatedly if they've been smoking pot. As for me, I just felt that Damon Albarn is an effing genius and that I had a special kinship with him. Thereafter, I am pretty sure, I fell asleep.

Because People Maketh the Man

And so I met Spooner's friends over the recent long weekend. It's not the first time though. The first time was during a touch rugby match on the beach where I was tackled headlong by a full-grown man barreling into me at about 5 kilometers per hour. Note to my female readers - DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. I felt like I had been hit by a concrete wall and I'm surprised I didn't break a rib.

Last weekend was little less physically intense. Well not really, considering I drank about 10 bottles of Heineken over a 5 hour period and I felt like dying the next morning. But the night in itself was not all that bad. The rendevous point was KPO and the drinks just kept coming. It was interesting to see Spooner in a social situation and it was quite nerve wracking for me to sit there and partake in conversations with a few people that I had never met before. I can only hope that I made a positive impression. You know how it gets when you've been drinking. Tongues get looser as people become more relaxed. Things you normally wouldn't say in a different situation come flying out of people's mouths and you don't really reflect on what they're saying until your hangover has properly worn off about 3 days later. :P

Being the only female in the entire group was pretty pressurizing. And there was also the fact that a couple of guys present didn't say a single word to me throughout the whole night. I pondered this quite a bit and could only draw two conclusions: a) they did not know what to say to me (I suppose the pressure works both ways), and b) they just simply did not like me. In the event that the latter reason is true, I refuse to be disheartened. I mean, how can you decide whether you like someone if you pretend to be mute the whole time? Personally, I am not one for snap judgments and I usually don't have people 'disliking' me for no reason. Yes, there have been a few but then again, those folks are insane. (Disclaimer: If you're one of those 'I make my mind up in 20 seconds' kinds, please stop reading and go away. Thankyouverymuch.)

Overall the friends proved to be an interesting bunch. Journalists, traders, insurance people, all sorts. My thoughts on this are quite positive. After all, if all his friends came from the same industry, then all the conversations would be monopolized by work and what the hell would I (or most people), know about marine underwriting? Hence, the diversity proved to be a good thing because it meant a range of topics could be discussed and different opinions could be expressed. Furthermore, it gave me some insight into Spooner's randomness. The man has thrown me off guard on several occasions and I've found myself knitting my eyebrows in bewilderment at some of the things that fly out of his mouth. Having hung out with the friends I suppose I have come to a semi-conclusion that it was probably wrong of me to try and fit him into a mould. Yes, most of us fall into one category or type of person but I don't know him well enough to stick a label on him just yet. But it is nice to sort of understand what sort of person he is. And believe me, you can tell a lot about a person from the friends they keep.

However here comes the quandary as I am now wondering how soon or is it still too soon for him to meet my friends. I suppose in these foreign dating situations, one is expected to reciprocate actions to a certain degree. Alas, I am also quite aware that most of my friends are in no hurry to do the 'meet the mates' thing. After all, it's only been a mere five weeks now. Besides, I can hardly say that I know the guy well enough because everytime we hang out I find out something new about him. For example, he has a weird obsession with drinking tons of water. He says it's because he dehydrates easily. I say it's more about him trying to avoid grabbing a beer or a Coke from the fridge each time he is thirsty.

In any case he has asked me to go his friend's birthday party with him next weekend. I suppose it will be another chance to meet more of his friends. The weekend after I will be in Bali with my erstwhile friends (woohoo!) so that's a little bit of time off from him and his entourage which could prove to be a valuable opportunity to sit and think about things. And maybe, just maybe I might consider letting him meet some people from my social circle after that trip. But I refuse to get ahead of myself. Let me live out the next couple of weeks before I make any decisions.

Okay, I shall now attempt to go something productive...like create a massive deliverable list. How bloody exciting.

Cyber Perving

I'm working from home today. And let me tell you that this requires a tremendous amount of discipline, something I seem to be lacking a lot of this blazing hot Monday.

I was thinking about how much time I spend online as a result of my job. The short answer to that is I spend a solid 6 to 8 hours a day on the web trawling for information, researching, reinventing and of course prying into things that should normally be left alone. Let's face it. The world wide web is a black hole of information. And when you spend three quarters of your professional life trying to seek answers and solutions to your clients' never-ending list of issues, it's only natural that your curiosity spills over and you start digging around for things that don't really concern work at all. It doesn't help that you have social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter that works on the premise of being well, nosy. No one logs into Facebook thinking, "Okay, I'm going to log in and not look at what my friends are up to." Bullshit. We thrive on perving, prying and poking around in our neighbours' backyards all the time. What is the point of status updates and news feeds then? Here's the truth - We want to know.

So having had my lunch and considering the fact that my boss has been relatively silent today, I decided to carry out some cyber-research on Spooner. I've known him for a little less than a month now and we've hung out enough times to know that we like each other's company. I have also over the course of a month managed to find out where he lives, where he works, what he does for a living, got some details about parents, upbringing, past girlfriends, close friends, and gained some insight into his quirks. Good progress? Yes. Alas, it doesn't stop there.

The problem with meeting a new person is this. You have no choice but to take everything they say (and do) to you at face value. Maybe it's just me and my cynical personality that is so inclined to take everything with a pinch of salt. I attribute this to the plain and simple fact that I never trust people easily. I reckon this was a trait that reared its head aggressively after my first serious boyfriend cheated on me repeatedly over three years. The day I walked away from that relationship it felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest and I was a complete wreck for a solid six months after. Now, all this happened almost ten years ago and I have gotten over it and I don't want to take an axe to the guy's head anymore. I also know that I have managed to deal with some of it as I have had other semi-serious and some quite serious relationships after. Unfortunately, practice does not make perfect in all scenarios.

My ex and I both have FB accounts. Ironically, during the course of our relationship, we never added each other. Why? I think we didn't see it as necessary because we had been together for that long and it made sense that we could at least have some degree of privacy to our individual selves. Well, that's the politically correct answer. Here's the uncensored version. We didn't add each other on FB because we both has issues with each other's friends. There were people on either party's list that we didn't like and secondly, we didn't want any of our 'friends' blurting out something that the other person wasn't meant to know. And thirdly, we both knew that if we read something posted by someone on each other's wall and we didn't like it, it'd become an issue of contention that would probably lead to a fight. So much for trusting each other eh?

So here's the thing. Spooner over the past couple of weeks has been indirectly dropping hints about us adding each other on FB. The first time he subtly brought up the subject of things like FB and Twitter and asked if I used them. I nonchalantly replied that yes, I do have them and use them but mostly for work reasons. (This IS true.) The second time was on Saturday when we were having drinks before dinner and the topic of ex-partners had come up. I asked him to describe the exes, in terms of physical appearance. His answer, "Well, you can look at it in my FB pics." My reply? Astounding silence.

Sorry, I'm just not ready to take that step. I admit I have tried to search for him online and on FB and have been returned with like 500 people with the same name. There goes that idea. I suppose on his part, he must be pretty open about most things if he is willing to let me into his network. On the other hand, as a friend said, perhaps he just wants to get a proper snoop around my FB page and profile because there's a lot of historical content there and people tend to self-censor a lot in real life. Personally, I am leaning towards the latter explanation.

There is also the other part that freaks me out. He keeps wanting to introduce me to his friends and in turn meet mine. I don't have any qualms about this apart from the fact, that again, I don't trust him enough to want to let him into my circle of friends. My friends, the close few that I have, and my colleagues are my biggest security blankets. I fall back on them every time something fucks up. Letting him get close to these people and allowing him to question, scrutinize and form opinions about them is for me, very personal. He might as well be doing that to me. (I know this works both ways because he in turn, will be questioned, scrutinized and judged too.) But, I'm not ready. I simply don't trust him, yet. Oh and yes, there's also the fact that I am morbidly insecure and am partly waiting for him to give me the flick because my brain says, 'Here's a guy in his thirties, single, no children in the closet, unmarried, with a decent job, a sense of humour and even guess what, he's reasonably good-looking. What is wrong with this picture? And why does he want you in it?'

Paranoid? Yes. Hard on myself? Very much so. This is purely me putting on my full suit of defence. In the event that he turns out to be a royal fuckwit and I give him the boot or vice versa, I would not feel so bad about it because he would not have met my friends and secondly, there would be no embarrassing 'Need to Delete off FB' dilemmas either. So let's see if he sticks around for a few more months and I can bring myself to begrudgingly offer a few more ounces of my trust. Until then, I'm going to stick with just taking things at face value.

Body Issues

The next person who comes to me whining about their weight/body image issues is going to get a nice, resounding smack from yours truly.

Seriously people, there's a whole load of other shit you can worry about instead of obsessing about the number showing on your weighing scale. Mind you, it's not just the women who are whinging. The men are too. Case in point Spooner who is in Hong Kong this week for work complaining over text messages that he is growing as fat as a pig because all he's doing is eating rich food, sitting in his chair the whole day and not exercising. This, coming from a man who usually hits the gym everyday and plays football twice a week on top of that is honestly, a bit much because as far as I can tell, he doesn't have any excess weight anywhere!

If you're wondering who the chick in the picture is, it's Ximena Navarrete, the current Miss Mexico and also the winner of Miss Universe 2010. She's 21 and stands at a pretty normal 1.74 metres. (I say normal because there is a large part of the world that is taller than the average Singaporean making us, the subnormal ones.) If there is one person in the world who has the right to be going mental over her weight or body shape, it's her. The rest of us should learn to be a little more realistic with our megalomaniacal hang-ups.

Before you start moaning about your legs are not long enough, your tummy is causing the buttons on your jeans to pop out like missiles and your hips are wider than the moon, please register a very simple fact in your head - your body type is genetically determined. So just because you're not so small and can't fit into a size 24 pair of skinny jeans, that fact alone does not make you overweight or obese or even (the dreaded F-word), fat. The truth is, the shape of your body is determined by several factors. Genetics is the first one. Lifestyle is the second biggest factor. If you insist on eating good food, not exercising and basically slobbing around all the time, then do not be surprised if you pile on the pounds. But nevermind lifestyle. Let's deal with the horrible G word. Genetics. Though I would very much like to tell you to go scream at your parents for passing on their thunder thighs and narrow shoulders to you, it would end up being moot. So let's deal with this with a few more ounces of intelligence and approach this with a more scientific perspective.

What's your body type? An apple, a pear, a H? Identifying what kind of body you have could help you deal with your body image issues and even help you change your exercise regime or buy clothes that suit you better. So here we go...

The Apple



The apples amongst us generally have larger upper bodies (chest and stomach), with smaller arms and legs. If you have a thick waist, full breasts/chest, a wide torso and upper back, then you have a typical apple-shaped body. Men predominantly have this shape but women seem to be prone to develop this body shape later in life.

People with this body type should focus on aerobic training in order to lose overall body fat. High intensity cardio activities like jogging and stair-climbing help to lose fat all over while helping with definition in the lower half of the body. Cable training helps to strengthen your back and chest. Avoid wearing clothes that highlight your upper body width. Tube dresses and tight wife-beater tops don't flatter you so leave them alone.

The Pear



We all love Beyonce because she's bootylicious. Congratulations to all my pear-shaped friends because you're bootylicious too. :)

Pear-shaped bodies have small upper torso and wider hips and thighs. Your bodies tend to naturally store fat in your lower half so your exercise regime should concentrate on toning these specific areas. Ideally, you should spend about 75 percent of your time exercising your lower half and the remaining 25 percent on your upper body. Cycling, leg lifts and squats are some of your best friends. To balance out your top half, concentrate on shoulder presses and push-ups.

If you're insecure about your wider lower body, avoid tight outfits. If you think you can rock it, then by all means go ahead.

The Hourglass



Ahhhh Scarlett. Go on, drool. Hourglass shapes or people who are known to have the 8-frame are usually the envy of most. However, they tend to put on weight on both upper and lower halves quite easily. Their saving grace comes in the form of having a narrow waist that balances out their shoulders and hips which are usually of equal proportions.

To maintain the balance, hourglass-shaped folks should undertake an exercise regime that concentrates on all areas equally. You should be focusing on both cardio and resistance exercises like stationary biking, jogging, jumping rope, swimming, bicep curls, the shoulder press, and squats.

Oh and wear what you like, because you'll probably get away with it.

The H



Hello H. I don't know whether this body type is a bane or boon. I fall into this category. Large shoulders, large waist and long limbs make us look a little grass-hopper like.

H-type bodies should focus on keeping the upper body trim or else risk looking seriously stocky. Running on an incline helps keep the bulk down and to even out the lower half, concentrate on leg extensions and squats so that you don't end up with stick legs.

As far as clothes go, we tend to look better in shirts and clothing that requires 'hanging'. Jackets and longer tops help to even out the heaviness of the shoulders and the length of the torso. I have also come to realize that women with H-shaped bodies tend to look damn good in boy-cut jeans for some reason. :)

The Ruler



Every girl wants to be a ruler. We all want to eat as much as want, drink as much as want, not lift a finger and still look like a rake. Needless to say, it just doesn't work that way. Alas, there are a few out there who are born with ruler-shaped bodies and blessed with insane metabolic rates that don't allow them to put on much weight. The flipside to this is the fact that people with this body type generally struggle to put on muscle mass. So if you're looking to get a toned, nicely ripped look, it's going to be a bit of a battle.

Ruler-shaped folks should concentrate less on cardio and more on resistance training. This includes bench presses, squats, lat pull downs and hamstring curls. Resistance exercise helps create definition and believe me, a little bit of definition is always nice to see unless it's your life's ambition to resemble a piece of pasta.

What to wear? Avoid body-hugging, skin-tight outfits because they just make you look skinny. You're lucky enough to be able to wear all the frills and ribbons and layers you want so please, milk that opportunity.

The Inverted Triangle or V



The inverted triangle or V frame is quite a rare body type. It's considerably bigger on top when compared to the lower half. People with this body shape usually have shoulders measuring two to three inches more than their hips. The classic example of this is a swimmer's body. This is the ideal body shape for men and those with this frame should concentrate on bringing the lower body up to speed with the top half. Resistance training concentrating on the glutes, thighs and calves are your priority. Otherwise you'll end up risking looking like a giant box balanced on two stilts.

Please don't run out and get a boob job and PLEASE avoid wearing skinny jeans under pain of death.

Well I've educated you on the different body types that genetics has played a part in determining and what you can do to emphasize the good bits and how to deal with the not-so-good bits too. The onus is now on you to either get into a proper exercise regime or change your entire wardrobe. And if after all of this, you still insist on moaning about your body, then please call/text/email/skype me and I will be most happy to oblige and smack you across your head.

Til next time, bye! :)