A is for Annoyed

Yesterday was a huge test to my patience.

1. I was annoyed at myself for being sick, wonky and not being able to think and function properly as I was drugged up to my forehead. (If you haven't realized by now, I am one of those people who does not like NOT being in control of her faculties.)

2. I was annoyed that despite being on sick leave I was worrying about work and ended up working from the middle of the afternoon til about 7pm because well, I had no freaking choice.

3. I was annoyed at a certain individual from work who, when approached for direction, gave none whatsoever and instead heaped a load of ridiculous attitude in my face. In my opnion, this one is a overpaid, fuckwitted cretin.

4. I was annoyed with Spooner. After asking me and reminding over the past month about his friend's birthday party which happened yesterday, he sends me a last minute text saying he was not in the mood to go but would bring me along if I were (quote) "gagging to go out".
(Hello, what part of 'I have been sick the whole week' did you miss in the memo? I thought that the whole premise of us attending the party was so we could hang out. What are you? A muppet?)

5. I was annoyed with my Mum and my Grandma. Seriously, sick person needs peace and quiet. Sick person does not need people talking at the top of their voices trying to decide how to invade Poland or Dhaka (whichever you prefer).

Hence, being annoyed on several counts, I didn't eat dinner, shoved my medication down my throat, crawled into bed with my book and waited for the drugs to kick in. But even as I was drifting off into the land of nod, my brain was still going through the annoying events of the day and I eventually fell asleep, feeling (you guessed it!) annoyed.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly better but not quite altogether thus explaining this entry. I am hoping that by itemizing my frustrations, I'd be able to let go of them by let's say, noon today. (Aren't I practical?)

The one good thing about yesterday was that I managed to not blow up at anyone and kill them. Had this happened to me 10 years ago, I would have exploded by the time I had reached no. 3 on the 'Reasons for Annoyance' list. I will not hesitate to tell you that my temper used to be legendary. I suspect my parents almost went crazy because my brother and I both had equally volatile tempers which were usually directed at each other because we're brother and sister. Believe me, it's not always sugar and spice and all things nice when you're teenagers or young adults.

Fortunately, I think both of us mellowed tremendously about 5 years ago, particularly after our dad passed away. Funny how it takes something like that to knock sense into people and force them to change their perspective. In any case, we've both managed to bring our tempers under control now and I think we're a lot smarter with picking our battles. Weird thing is, he and I don't get into disagreements anymore. The exact opposite has happened. Our relationship as siblings has developed to the point where we can talk about whatever is going on in our lives to each other with the knowledge that everything is said in confidence. And yes, it's very nice to be able to sit and talk to my brother without wanting to throttle him every 3 minutes. This is not to say that everything is rosy and perfect. We don't always see eye-to-eye on some things and we're both naturally impatient people so there are occasions when red flags get raised but it's a lot better now than it was before.

Alas, I cannot say the same about the other areas of my life. Oftentimes, when I get ticked off, I just don't say anything. Some people, usually the smarter ones, realize that I am annoyed and they give me a wide berth to cool off and don't push the matter further. Unfortunately, there are more stupid people than smart ones in my life and when faced with my mutinous silence, they just don't get the hint and usually say/do something that makes me want to reach out and smack them across the head or bludgeon them with a bat. (Personally, I prefer bludgeoning. Much more cathartic I tell you!) But being a member of polite *snort* society, I have to rein in my instinct to clobber people and bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying something that might land me in jail for slander.

The other issue is how some morons tend to take my silence as a sign of weakness and then proceed to attempt to walk all over me. I don't know how to help people like this. Doing this is equivalent to playing tag in a landmine. I'm not a doormat. If I were, you'd be welcome to stomp all over me. But if you insist of behaving like an idiot, my only advice is, be prepared to be shredded.

The good news is that I don't lose my head that often. It takes a hell of a lot these days before I completely lose it. Usually I hover between being immensely annoyed and immensely frustrated. This is still pretty far from pure, white rage. But honestly, I sometimes wonder if it's not healthy to put up with all the bullshit that people throw my way just to keep my temper in check.

Now where's my brother? I need a fag...