Laws of Huh?

So yesterday saw me hanging out with G-doll over lunch and a couple of drinks after. After she got over the horror that she was sprouting gray hairs, we proceeded to fill each other in on what has been going on in our madcap lives over the past few months. I showed her the entire AJ fiasco on my iPhone to which she shook her head in total confusion. Yeah, that's about the same reaction everybody has had thus far apart from my darling brother who went, "Did he hit his head whilst falling over and twisting his ankle by any chance?" The honest answer to that is, I have no freaking idea.

And so I was telling G-doll how I was once again trying to lie low and avoid all weirdos and weird happenings so that I can restore normalcy into my otherwise comical life and how I happen to be failing miserably on that front. Much of this has to do with the re-appearance of dear Tomski. Yes, after two months of silence the man decides to pop up on MSN whilst I am at work and scare the beejeezus out of me.

Now given that his last attempt at conversation was to try to get me to sleep with him in the middle of some random night, and I politely declined and told him to go give himself a handjob, he went silent thereafter. Silent = disappearing off MSN, no more texts, zero contact. So when I got back to work after my trip and he popped up online, I almost fell off my chair in fright. For the sake of maintaining privacy, I don't keep logs of my online conversations on my work laptop, hence I can't stick screenshots of the convo here. In summary, he referred to me as "his old friend" (WHAT have you been smoking mate?), and then proceeded to ask me if I had "coupled up yet" (Is THAT what they call it these days?) and then went on to ask me if I can help with writing copy for his company website. All this after asking me if I was a "real PR person".

*slaps forehead*

And so the plan was to meet up with him and his business partner over the weekend to talk stuff through and figure out what needs to be put up on the site.



Ah, so the man is capable of being normal. Who would have thunk it?



Hang on a second. What was that clause for? I admit, I burst out laughing when I saw that 'disclaimer'. Anyway...





Ah, all business on Sunday until...3:05 am on Wednesday morning. (What? What?? WHAT???)Pray tell, why would I even WANT to awake at that time of the day? So yes, I was fasto in my bed and oblivious to the rest of the world. His response to my silence was amazing.



Oh my gawwwwwwd... he called me LAME at 3:46 in the morning. Bloody bastard. I woke up the next morning and saw the messages and scratched my head in astonishment. Through simple deduction I came up with this equation:

Drunk man + weird text message asking if one is awake in the middle of the night = Booty call

Now given that I know EXACTLY what his intentions were, I chose to feign ignorance. Given my line of work, feigning ignorance is part and parcel of life. Sometimes it's best to pretend that you're a stupid ignoramus because you actually can get more out of people that way. Before you think that I am a conniving, evil, self-serving PR person who goes all out to pretend to be something she is not with everyone, let me clarify that this side of me usually only exists in the work-sphere. I drop the PR mask when I am out of work and I am 100% myself around friends and loved ones. I admit I do pull the mask back on when dealing with total knobs outside of work at times but that's only because they're knobs. If I sound a tad defensive here, it's only because people have a bad habit of thinking that just because of my job, everything I say or do is loaded with a hidden meaning or agenda. That, ladies and gentlemen, is absolute bloody bollocks. I'm as straightforward as straightforward can be. I wouldn't be here writing about the inane things that take place in my life if I wanted to pretend to be something else.

Right, where was I? Ah yes, feigning ignorance about Tomski's middle-of-the-night weirdness. Well, as you've seen from my response, that is exactly what I did. I wanted to see how he would respond to that message. He obviously ducked the whole thing by avoiding the entire subject for a whole day. Okay fine, be a coward, you little shmuck... because I am a lot smarter than you give me credit for. :P



The conversation stopped there. Perhaps he was on to the fact that I was prodding to see what he would say and he was embarrassed. Or maybe he finally realized that I am not some random skank who will jump into bed with him just because he's tired of wanking. Fine Tomski, we had one random romp many months ago, but that doesn't mean I want you to feature regularly in my (currently non-existent), sex-life. I don't mind the idea of a fuck buddy at this point in time, but if I may be so honest, he's not quite what I'm looking for. I have this whole other theory about finding the 'proper' FB but that's a another post for a different day.

In any case, G-doll was privy to this little entertaining exchange yesterday and suggested that all this weirdness could probably be attributed to the 'Law of Attraction'. I was slightly appalled by this suggestion. The stupid philosophy states that "like attracts like" - that not only do we attract circumstances, material objects and people to us according to our actions, but also according to the thoughts we consistently hold in mind.

ARGH.

Given that I am trying to fly under the bloody radar and just be bloody normal for awhile, the whole "like attracts like" concept simply cannot be true. I am not looking for weirdness. I'm looking for normal! I'm not looking for weird men. I'm looking for sane, normal, non-fuckwitted ones! And given that I have been a very good girl lately and stayed home as much as possible (okay, that's arguable really), how is it that all these mad people insist on popping up out of the middle of nowhere and tormenting me? Just in case you're wondering why I picked the plural form there, I will tell you that Tomski is not the only one who has made a weird re-appearance. Remember darling Nik aka Darth Wanker? Yes, that one. The one who went missing in a carpark... *rolls eyes* Well, he's suddenly decided that he's still keen despite my repeated attempts to shrug him off. He decided to pop up on Facebook and start a conversation that left me wanting to curl up in fetal position and cry. Anyway I have managed to avoid him for the time being. Let's hope it stays that way.

Sigh.
If there is a god, I would humbly like to request that he stop all this weird nonsense and send me someone awesome and normal...

Like Ian Somerhalder. :)



Now that's not much to ask for is it?