Walk Like An Egyptian

It's a non-emo post today. Sorry to disappoint but yeah, even I get sick of my own emotional dramas at times, surprising as that may seem. :P

Today is about walking. Particularly, the fact that Singaporean women are such bad walkers. I know that what I am going to say is not going to sit well with the majority of the female population but I'd rather you read further, and if after that, you still want to set my hair on fire, I'll acquiesce. Or maybe not.

I've always observed how people move. It's one of the things that fascinate me. Athletes and dancers are probably the most blessed people on earth because they are trained to move efficiently and most importantly, with grace. Well, most of us aren't athletes or dancers but that doesn't give us an excuse to move around like a giant lump.

I happen to have an issue with how women walk in particular. It doesn't matter how tall or small you are or whether you're 70 kilos or a featherweight 40. You are all equipped with the same machinery - thighs, calves, knees, hips - therefore, you should technically be able to move or at least have some mastery over your movements, in particular, your walk.

The way you walk reflects a lot about your personality. It doesn't matter if you're decked out head-to-toe in Gucci and your hair is set everyday by a professional stylist and your complexion glows like that of a Greek goddess because if you choose to shuffle past me, I (can only speak for myself), will probably not notice you.

There are a few common walk styles. I will limit myself to the top five.

1. The Bounce
People who walk with a bounce look kinda weird for sure but there's something extremely cheering about the way they move. The bounce walk is instinctively 'happy'. You see someone walking past with a bounce and you tend to think that the person must be one of those chirpy and positive personalities.

2. The Shuffle
We all know someone who shuffles. Hang on, you might be a shuffler yourself. The shuffle is one of the most annoying walks. It reeks of depression. A person with the shuffle walk comes across as slow, depressed, almost Mr. Magoo-like in outlook. Everytime I see a shuffler, I feel like smacking them across the head. Not only do they look ridiculous, they also get in the way because let's face it, you canNOT shuffle fast.

3. The Pigeon Toe
Have you ever noticed how a pigeon walks? It's legs, in comparison to the rest of its body are supremely short. The pigeon has a thick chest and if you look closely enough, pigeons technically cannot see their own feet because of the way they are built. Humans on the other hand, unless blessed with a giant beer gut or heavily pregnant are well able to see their own two feet. Alas, there are those who have the tendency to walk with the Pigeon Toe. These are the folks who insist, for some strange reason, to point their toes inward when walking. Left foot, step, point inward, right foot, step, point inward. Apart from being totally kooky, this walk is also bloody dangerous because the chances of you tripping over one of your own feet is extremely high. Hence, Pigeon Toe walkers always, always, always end up looking down at their feet as they move. Hazardous? Definitely. If you look down all the time, how can you see where you're going?

4. The Strut
I admit, I am biased. This is my favourite type of walk. The Strut embodies many characteristics. Sexiness, confidence, power and that "Look at me!" quotient that makes you want to well, look at the person who struts. It's not a difficult style of walking and you don't have to be wearing high heels all the time to pull it off. The trick is to adjust your posture. Throw your shoulders back or at least keep them straight, try to hold your stomach in, even if it's bigger than you'd like it to be and most importantly, STRIDE. Yes, it's all in the stride. Lengthen your strides and you will end up with in a strut. Your legs no matter long or short, are capable of taking long strides. And once you lengthen your strides, your body will naturally adjust its center of gravity and you will find that you will automatically throw your shoulders back to keep your balance. Just remember to keep your chin up and voila, I present to you, the mind-boggling, attention-grabbing strut.

5. The W
The W is the walk which requires one to have the incredible skill to NOT keep one's feet close to each other. People who walk the W are actually waddling. I cannot understand why people insist on walking like Ronald MacDonald. At least he had a decent excuse; his shoes were gigantic. So unless you have webbed feet, please don't waddle. It is not attractive and it just looks plain bizarre. What freaks me out is the number of women I see who wear heels, court shoes and platforms and then, of all things, waddle. *facepalm*

Now that I have defined some of the walks, it depresses me enormously that my observations of the female population in Singapore has forced me to realize that they are either Shufflers or Waddlers. It's a shame really because local women are generally well put together. Most have nice hair and fashionable outfits including shoes but the way they move, just kills all that effort. I have seen some ladies trying to strut and not quite making it. I tend to attribute it to the fact that they aren't used to strutting around in the shoes they are wearing. Most of them look like they're battling to keep their balance so that they won't fall face first. So darlings, if you can't quite strut in high heels, you can definitely practice in your ballet flats first. (Yes, you can strut in ballet flats too!)

And if you need more inspiration, then you might want to take a cue from Beyonce (the queen of strutting if you ask me).



"In my life, when I put on the stilettos, it's all about being confident, sometimes overly confident."

Strut my darlings. Stride and strut, and be overly confident please.